


because of you

by charjace



Series: Problem Child ; JATP [5]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Gen, Parental Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28546854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: Because of youI don't know how to let anyone else inBecause of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Series: Problem Child ; JATP [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2071917
Kudos: 5





	because of you

**Author's Note:**

> and carrie's song is because of you by kelly clarkson

When she was younger, her parents would fight a lot – and she would cry in her room, a lot of the time until she fell asleep. Closing her eyes and singing herself to sleep those nights their voices would get so loud. Sometimes, her father would be gone for months at a time, and her mother would talk badly about him to her friends as they sat around and drank. Her mother, was distant and her father was constantly on the road, but when he was home – he was still working. There were times when he’d spend time with her, and those were the best times of her life and she loved it.

She loves singing with him, and dancing around to see his smile upon his face. She befriended a girl Julie and her friend, Flynn in third grade – and, they would perform together – loving life. Until, her mother left – for good when she was seven years old.

Sure, she had noticed her parents fighting even more, even if they tried to hide it and keep their voices low. She knew there was something going on with her mother – but, she never thought that her mother would leave. Her mother was meant to pick her up from dance practice, but she wasn’t there and Carrie spent the next two hours  _ waiting _ for no one to come and pick her up. Tears filling her eyes as she just  _ waited _ , sure her mother would come. Many texts sent off to her mother, asking where she was. Nothing in response, and Carrie sobbing called the Molina household where Rose picked her up until her father came to gather her and bring her home.

Many nights were spent trying to call her mother, and many listening as her father had shouting matches across the phone. She would hear her name, and listen in until she couldn’t anymore and so she wrote in her song book. 

Her first broken heart, and it was because of her mother. Her mother left her, and she didn’t know what to do. Over the years, her father’s devotion on her came as a price tag. Anything she wanted,  _ she got _ . It was every kid’s  dream right? So why did Carrie feel like he was distant? As she got older, he never asked why she wanted this or that, he just gave it to her. He stopped hanging out as much with her, always having something to do, but always told her to order anything she’d like, or to go out if he wasn’t home in time for dinner.

It felts that, over time her father’s love went from spending time with her, to just giving her money. Then, she doesn’t know what it was that set her off – or how the insecurities got inside her head, but they did and they caused her to push Julie and Flynn away. She shut them out, and deep down, she thinks it’s because of  _ she _ chooses to leave, then Julie and Flynn won’t leave her, they  _ were _ Double Trouble after all. They didn’t have room for a third party, so – instead of having them leave her like her mother did, she pushed them away and left  _ them _ . Taking the choice away from them and putting it all in her own hands.

She starts dating this nice guy, Nick. He’s a sweet guy – but, she doesn’t love him, and deep down she knows she never will. That’s a part of herself she doesn’t want to touch, because what if that’s the part of her that made her mother leave? What if that part will make everyone leave her?

When Julie’s mother passes, Carrie is shocked and cries herself to sleep. She doesn’t understand it, why she’s crying over someone who wasn’t her own mother. Someone who in the past year she had only seen in passing. Maybe it’s because she knew Rose was a nice, kind, loving mother – the mother that she wished she had, but the one she got left.

Her father stopped touring a few years ago, but he still does a few gigs here and there in LA. He hasn’t been to a single one of her performances since she was thirteen. So, she doesn’t go to any of his anymore. He’s always busy doing something for himself, and Carrie tries to achieve the best to show him that she  _ too _ can make it. 

She’s working for her record deal, she knows she could ask her father to  _ get _ her one – but, that feels  _ tacky _ , so Carrie performs at the school and perform in café's. Wanting get herself  _ out there _ without her father’s name tacked too far behind her own. Carrie wants to make it, without her father – but to make him  _ proud _ . She just wants to make him proud of her work, even if it isn’t  _ rock. _ She just wants her father’s love and her mother back. She just wants her family, and to not feel  _ hollow _ inside – so she doesn’t have to fake a smile every day of her life, so she can let  _ someone _ into her life and stop being so  afraid of letting anyone close to her.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a piece to tie the boys & carrie together.... just, bare with me while i figure it out


End file.
